


Black Cats Aren't Bad Luck, That's Bullshit

by Sintavra



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Cunnilingus, Dadsona POV, First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Robert Small loves cats just as much as he loves dogs anyone who disagrees can fight me, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 12:16:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12254220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sintavra/pseuds/Sintavra
Summary: I think I hear an odd sound just as I pull out my keys. I pause for a moment and tilt my head to see if I can hear it again, but all I hear is the chirping of crickets. I shrug and go to unlock my car when I hear a clear and plaintivemeow!from the alley and my mind sharpens so quickly I almost black out.Kitty.My brain supplies helpfully.~~~Dadsona finds a cat, shenanigans ensue





	Black Cats Aren't Bad Luck, That's Bullshit

**Author's Note:**

> I have other fanfictions as well as actual real-life work I should be focusing on but instead I write this. I am a human disaster and I have no shame in admitting that.
> 
> My dadsona's name is Thane Navarro, and while he does have a particular design, I decided to keep any descriptors of his appearance purposefully vague so that y'all can imagine your own dadsonas.
> 
> As you probably gathered from the tags, Thane is trans. I do make use of the word 'clit' and briefly reference to top surgery, but I otherwise I tried to keep it as vague as possible as to not be horribly dysphoria-inducing to anyone.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

“For god’s sake, Chet, can you finish loading the gun sometime today?” I yell impatiently at the TV when the lead actor fumbles the shotgun shells for like the _fourth goddamn time_ in a chase scene that just couldn’t seem to end.

I was sitting at home, lounging on the couch watching one of those low-budget SyFy creature features that was so terrible I’d lost track of the plot like five times before I’d decided to give up and just laugh when yet another of the cast met their untimely, overacted end at the claws of the spider-bear when I was suddenly overcome with the desire for some good ol’ cookies and cream.

It was one in the morning, but I knew of at least one 24 hour grocery store that wasn’t too unreasonable of a drive away, and ignoring the call of ice cream was for quitters, damn it.  

I grab my keys from the hook by the door and walk outside, stopping on the porch to breathe in the crisp autumn evening air and scan the darkened cul-de-sac. It was barely October, but I appreciated the utter lack of chill the entire neighbourhood had in regards to Halloween decorating.

Hugo’s lawn had become an impressively detailed graveyard, complete with skeletal hands and the top halves of zombies emerging from the ground. I’d walked past it earlier that day without paying attention and _absolutely did not scream_ when one of the animatronic zombies snarled and made a grab for my ankle.

“I told you we’d get him, dad!” Ernest’s voice rang out in delight as he and Hugo popped out from behind the headstones of Myra Mains and Ima Goner respectively.

“Sorry you had to be our first victim, Thane,” Hugo apologized even as he and Ernest shared a triumphant fist-bump.

“What, are you kidding? I’m honoured,” I’d denied. Sure I might have been standing in the middle of the road at that point, not because it was a safe distance away but because I’d felt like it, damn it.

Brian’s decorations were predictably over-the-top and much better than I could ever put together. There were animatronic ghosts and zombies and werewolves all over the lawn and porch, and his house was covered in a complicated array of lights. I’d been confused as to what they were for until I’d come outside the night before to see multiple pumpkin faces made of LEDs lit up on the front of his house, their mouths moving perfectly in sync to the lyrics of Thriller as he stood on his lawn watching proudly. I’d been watching too, admittedly very impressed, and didn’t notice Brian turn around to see me standing there as a result.

“Pretty cool, right?” Brian called with a broad grin on his face. I’d really wanted to be bitter about how Brian already had me beat on Halloween decorations before I’d even managed to put mine up, but he just looked so damned excited.

…And his house _did_ look really fucking cool.

“It looks amazing, Brian! Did you do all of this yourself?” I’d asked, walking across the street to take a closer look.

“Daisy did all the timing for the lights, I did all the heavy lifting,” He’d revealed with a proud smile. “She even wrote a bunch of code so we can activate the animatronics from inside the house! We both love Halloween so we always try to push the envelope every year.”

“Well you definitely succeeded,” I’d complimented, raising a hand for a high-five that Brian happily returned. The two of us still had our moments of one-upsmanship despite our lowkey rivalry having been more-or-less smoothed out into an actual friendship, so it was nice that moment was more about the mutual appreciation of the great holiday of All Hallows Eve rather than bragging rights.

“How are your decorations coming along, Thane?”

Goddamn it.

Damien’s house was Halloween ready at all times of the year just by virtue of its unique design, though it had been tastefully accentuated by fake spiderwebs and pumpkins intricately carved with spiders and skulls placed on each side of every other step leading to the porch, lending a classy, old-school creepy kind of feel to it rather than the store-bought novelty approach Hugo and Brian had chosen.

The only exception was a zombie torso with several fake electrical cables sticking out of its face and chest hanging upside-down from a tree that screamed in electrocuted agony every time someone walked past it, though something told me that that was Lucien’s contribution to the decorations.  

Craig, Mat and Mary’s decorations were similar in that rather than focusing on a specific theme, it appeared they simply let their children have at it and as a result, looked like a Halloween pop-up store vomited all over their houses. Copious amounts of fake spiderwebs, black and orange tinsel, and stick-on bloody handprints seemed to be a common theme with the Cahn, Sella and Christiansen children, and all three houses had the exact same ‘crashed witch’ hanging from their front doors. Whether it was by chance or previous coordination I wasn’t sure, but all-in-all each house looked adorably prepped for Halloween, and the messily carved Jack O’ lanterns that were a staple on each porch only magnified the effect.

Even Robert had managed to get Halloween decorations up before I did, although his idea of decorating was placing a lone Jack O’ Lantern out on the porch and nothing else. In his defense, the Jack O’ lantern was absolutely _terrifying._ The top ten percent of the pumpkin had been set aside for two massive black-coloured stick on eyes, while the other ninety had been solely dedicated to row upon row of carved razor-sharp teeth.

“What the _fuck_ is that?” I’d asked _totally calmly_ after opening the door again, having instinctively slammed it shut the first time when he’d knocked and all but shoved it in my face earlier that day.

“If you can’t tell that this is the Dover Ghost, Loomis, I might have to try harder,” He’d retorted with a wicked smirk.

“Please, god, no. My heart can’t take it, McSturgiss,” I’d replied with mostly exaggerated fear, playing it up by slapping the back of one hand to my forehead and collapsing against the front door. “Now are you gonna leave that monstrosity outside and watch some Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truckers with me or do I have to drop-kick it right out of your hands?”

Robert threw his head back and the air rang with his laughter, making my heart skip a beat or two in my chest before he obediently placed the demon pumpkin down on the porch and followed me inside. He'd plopped down on the couch as I restarted the episode I’d been watching, leaning down so he could pull my legs onto his lap when I’d sat down right beside him.

It had been over a year since the two of us had sat together under the cherry blossom tree after Amanda’s graduation party and agreed to just be friends, with the possibility of becoming more than that to be revisited on a still yet-to-be-specified date. I’d be a liar if I said I was no longer romantically interested in Robert, that I no longer wanted him so badly it hurt sometimes, but being just his friend was no hardship.

I saw him much more often nowadays than when we’d first met, so often that I would legitimately get worried if I hadn’t seen or heard from him in more than two days. We still went out cryptid hunting and out drinking at Jim and Kim’s with Mary or just one-on-one, but now we also spent a lot of time just hanging out at each other’s houses.

Our friendship had also become a lot more tactile than it had been before, to the point where the two of us practically hung off each other within five minutes being together, though we kept it restrained to an arm slung over each other’s shoulders in public. It was partially because neither of us wanted to keep answering awkward questions about the state of our relationship, but it was mostly that we’d tacitly agreed that our physical affection was something we wanted to keep for ourselves. Casual touches, hugs, cuddling and even kisses to the cheek had become commonplace between the two of us. Sure, it wasn’t _strictly_ platonic but that shit was subjective anyways. Besides, I very much enjoyed touching and being touched by Robert, so the fact that it never went anywhere was far from a dealbreaker.

And it was an absolute _joy_ watching the progress he’d been making on caring more about himself and others. I loved hearing the laughter and seeing the smiles that came so much easier to him now. I loved watching him continue to strengthen his bond with Val and slowly losing the hopelessness he’d felt even months after they’d reconnected. I loved watching him build a relationship of his own with Amanda, the two of them getting on like a house on fire whenever she was home from school and even swapping numbers so they could keep in contact when she was away.

I just plain loved Robert Small. The man, the myth, the legend, and the not so glorious parts of him too.

I’d been standing there smiling like a lovestruck idiot at his house for the better part of five minutes when I remember why I came outside in the first place. There was a carton of cookies and cream out there waiting for me, and nothing short of an act of god was gonna keep me from it.

I consider knocking on Robert’s door to see if he was awake and wanted to come with but ultimately resist the urge. I’d just seen him that day and couldn’t really think of a viable excuse to invite him out for an ice cream run that would take twenty minutes tops other than wanting to spend more time with him.

Instead I unlock my car and slide behind the wheel, determined to begin the journey to acquire the ice cream that had been prophesised to belong to me.

~~~

“Your total is $5.77,” An automated voice says cheerfully when I scan my ice cream. While most modern technology beyond my laptop and, with Amanda’s help, my smartphone continued to confuse and frustrate me on a regular basis, I had nothing but good things to say about self-checkout kiosks. There was something about buying copious amounts of junk food at questionable times of the day and not having to make eye contact with a judgemental cashier that just felt right.

I leave the grocery store after paying for my ice cream, my precious cookies and cream swinging back and forth in the plastic bag when I think I hear an odd sound just as I pull out my keys. I pause for a moment and tilt my head to see if I can hear it again, but all I hear is the chirping of crickets. I shrug and go to unlock my car when I hear a clear and plaintive _meow!_ from the alley next to the grocery store and my mind sharpens so quickly I almost black out.

 _Kitty._ My brain supplies helpfully as I quickly unlock my car and throw the ice cream in before slamming the door shut and running to the alley to find the cat that so obviously needs my help. It’s not long before I hear another _meow!_ coming from underneath a dumpster. I drop to my knees to look underneath and sure enough, I spy the fluffiest, cutest, _dirtiest_ black cat I have ever seen in my life.

“Hi, baby,” I coo as I look right into its pretty yellow-green eyes, blinking slowly to show that I both already love and trust it just like Jackson Galaxy showed me. I stick my hand out and the cat immediately rubs up against it affectionately and I just about die right then and there from the cute.

“You wanna come home with me?” I ask, grasping it gently behind its shoulders to see if I can pull it out. It doesn’t seem to like that though as it slips right out of my grasp and darts to the back of the space under the dumpster.

“It’s ok, beautiful. I won’t hurt you,” I call quietly so I won’t startle the cat. I can hear it shuffling around under the dumpster but it doesn’t seem to want to come any closer no matter what I say. Just as I’m about to grudgingly give up and leave the cat alone, I hear a chorus of high pitched mews.

 _Kittens._ My brain supplies helpfully once again, and I’m honestly surprised I don’t actually black out this time out of pure, unadulterated happiness.

“Wait here, babies. I’ll be right back,” I promise as I launch to my feet and more-or-less sprint back into the grocery store. I buy a few cans of cat food, a bag of dry food, cat litter, a bag of cat treats and a five-pack of dishtowels before grabbing one of the cardboard boxes they keep near the checkouts for people buying groceries, one of the shorter ones so mama cat can get in and out easily enough and dart back out into the parking lot. I arrange the dishtowels in the box before I grab the bag of treats and return to the dumpster.

“You guys still there?” I ask as if they’re people, because if you don’t treat cats like they’re people there’s _absolutely_ something wrong with you. I hear the mama cat let out a _meow!_ in response to my question and I let out a sigh of relief. I pull out the bag of cat treats and give it a shake, and almost immediately the mama cat darts forward. That actually makes me kind of sad, because it probably means she was a housecat before whoever owned her put her out on the street after finding out she was having kittens.

“I’ve got a nice, comfy box for you and your babies here,” I say quietly as I pull the box forward and feed her some of the treats. “You wanna grab ‘em so I can take you somewhere nice and warm?” She looks me dead in the eye, like she can see into my soul and judge my character before she darts back underneath the dumpster. I let out a disappointed sigh, but before I can even think about leaving, mama cat returns carrying one of her kittens by the scruff of its neck.

“Good girl,” I compliment as she sets her kitten down on the ground in front of me. “May I?” I ask, reaching toward the kitten, but she’s already vanished back under the dumpster for the next one so I guess that’s my answer. I put the kitten inside the box, and it lets out the cutest little _mew!_ I’ve ever heard in my entire life before nestling into the dishtowels and falling asleep.

My heart can’t fucking take this.

Before I can collapse into an adorable-induced coma, mama cat comes back out with her second kitten and places it on the ground.  I pick this one up just as gently as the first one and put it into the box and then look to mama cat, waiting for her to go back under for the rest of her kittens, but she just looks up at me expectantly.

“Just two?” I ask her, crouching to look underneath the dumpster and turning on the flashlight on my smartphone that I didn’t know was a thing until Amanda showed me last month before going back to school. I don’t see any extra kittens, and mama cat is already inside and curled around her babies when I look back to the box so again, I guess that’s my answer.

I leave them on the ground for a minute so I can get the passenger-side door open before coming back and picking up the box as evenly as I can. Mama and babies are still fast asleep inside so I guess I did a pretty good job. I walk carefully back over to my car and slide them onto the seat and buckle the box in as securely as I can before closing the door as gently as possible before I go the driver’s side and slide behind the wheel.  

I take the long way home since it has less sharp turns and speed bumps, and I would rather die than wake up the three angels sleeping next to me. Finally I pull into my driveway, unlocking the front door and opening it so I don’t have to fumble around one-handed for my keys and wake the three very new members of my family, a crime punishable by death. I walk into the house and make a beeline for the bedroom so I can place the box on the ground next to the side of the bed opposite to the one I use so I don’t accidentally step on them tomorrow morning, also a crime punishable by death.

I grab an empty shoebox sitting in the back of my closet and fill it with cat litter so I don’t wake up to any stinky surprises tomorrow morning, which will have to do until I can get them an actual litterbox. Once the shoebox is filled, I go into the kitchen for a pair of cheap plastic bowls to fill with water and dry cat food and bring them into my bedroom as well.

Satisfied that I fulfilled the needs of the cats as best as I could for someone who had very abruptly become a pet owner, I collapse into bed. I remember the creature feature I’d paused on TV after leaving for ice cream before I snuggle uncaringly into my pillow. I turned off the screen before leaving, and I was confident the DVR didn’t consume enough power to justify getting out of bed to turn it off. I’m just glad I’d possessed the presence of mind to grab the cookies and cream and stash it in the freezer instead of leaving it in the car to melt all over my backseat.

 _Wait 'til Robert gets a load of this._ I think amusedly to myself, quickly falling asleep to the sound of mama cat and her babies shifting under the dish towels.

~~~

The next morning takes _forever_ to come, mostly because I keep waking up and remembering the three darlings sharing my room with me and get so excited it takes me like an hour to go back to sleep. I wake up for the last time at nine, a _totally_ normal time to rise on a weekend, and climb out of bed so I can quietly walk around and get a load of the cutest cat family on the face of this planet.

Mama and babies are already up at ‘em, though technically only mama is as her two little clones are so young that they haven’t opened their eyes yet. She’s just finished bathing them when I pop my head around the corner to gaze at them happily and the two settle back into the curve of her belly to nurse. She looks up at me as I crawl forward, somehow managing to look both harried and serene as the kittens knead her stomach searching for milk. I raise my hand to give her a pat on the head, moving it slowly and keeping it well within her vision so I don’t startle her. I lower my hand to rest it on her head, but she surprises me by craning her head to meet my hand and nuzzle against it with a happy purr resonating through her body.

Oh my god she’s so fucking cute.

“Oh my god, you’re so fucking cute,” I tell her seriously, and I swear her purring kicks up a notch.

I need to tell someone about them. I need someone to experience the full force of the cuteness gifted to these angels given earthly form. I puzzle about it for a moment before my mind suddenly sharpens with remembrance and all the answers become clear.

“Stay right here,” I request gravely, to which mama cat replies with a _meow!_ before curling around the kittens and falling asleep.

This is it. This is how I die; heart failure caused by adorable overload.

I slowly get to my feet and pad quietly out of the room, but as soon as I’m clear of the doorway, I’m sprinting. I grab my keys and race out the front door, though I stop shy of slamming it shut because I would never forgive myself if I woke up the cats because I couldn’t keep my excitement in check.

I run across the Christiansens’ lawn, completely indifferent to the sprinklers that only gently soak me with water as I run past despite the near pressure-washer intensity that Mary likes to set them to for the purpose of warding off Jehovah’s witnesses and door-to-door salespeople.

God, I love that twisted woman, even while getting assaulted by her sprinklers.

Finally, I make it to Robert’s house and begin pounding on the door. Predictably, there’s no answer, so I pull out the key he gave me to his house and let myself in. I take the steps two at a time up to his room until I see him lying facedown on his bed. The sheets are kicked halfway down his thighs so I can see his perfect ass clad in tight black boxer-briefs and bare, muscled back in their full glory and I swear I go a little cross-eyed at the sight.

 _Focus, Thane, you have a mission. Resist the temptation of your friend’s hot bod._ I scold myself internally.

“Robert, wake up! I’ve got the best thing in the universe to show you,” I say excitedly as I walk over to the head of his bed to give his shoulder a shake.

“Nnnnnooooooo,” He groans into his pillow, smushing his face even further into it.

“Come on, get up!” I say again, walking to the other side of his bed so I can bounce on it heavily.

“It’s before noon on a Saturday, Navarro. Why the fuck would you betray me like this?” He asks, his voice muffled from where he hadn’t bothered to lift his face from the pillow.

“Bobert Anastasia Small, if you don’t get up right now, I promise that you’ll regret it,” I vow seriously, to which Robert responds to with exaggerated snoring noises.

“Alright, can’t say I didn’t warn you,” I say with a shrug before suddenly climbing over to drape myself full-length over his body.

“JESUS FUCK!” He yelps as twists underneath me, trying to escape the iciness of my soaked clothes to no avail. “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WET?”

“Took a shortcut through the Christiansens’ lawn right as the sprinklers turned on, now are you gonna get up and come with me or not?” I ask, pressing myself more firmly into his bare skin as he continues to struggle. “I’ll make you breakfaaaaaaast?” I sing-song to sweeten the deal, because a little bribery never hurt anyone, especially when your victim is in no place to argue with you.

“God, fine! Just get off me, damn it,” He groans in defeat, and I reward him by quickly clambering off him and onto the floor.

“You’re the best!” I tell him before I lay the world’s most obnoxiously loud kiss on his forehead and dart away before he can smack me in retaliation.

“Fuck off,” He grumbles, though I know him well enough by now to recognize that the anger is more for show than anything else.

I go back downstairs to wait for him, because although we may be close, watching him get dressed seems a little too intimate even for the loosely defined boundaries of our friendship to justify. Robert clambers down the stairs after a few minutes, clad in black sweatpants and a soft grey tank-top that clings in all the right places and ok, we’re getting off track again.

“Ok, what’s so goddamn important that you felt the need to do a B&E on my house?” He asks grumpily while rubbing at his eyes.

“Ok first off, it’s not really a B&E if I have a key to your front door,” I inform him with a roll of my eyes. “Secondly, it’s back over at my house so you’ll just have to add some dad sandals to that sexy outfit of yours. Let’s go, Small! On the double!” I say excitedly, swinging the door open to let the early morning sunshine stream in to his darkened house.

“You’re literally Satan,” He deadpans as he slides his feet into a pair of Nike flip flops and grabs his orange-mirrored aviators before obediently stepping outside.

“I choose to take that as a compliment,” I reply cheerfully, laughing at the scowl that Robert levels me with. We take the sidewalk back this time as the Christiansens’ sprinklers are still on the clock, but we arrive at my house in record time with how I’m basically dragging Robert down the street.

“Will you slow down?” He gripes good-naturedly as we start up the driveway.

“You say that, but once you see what I want to show you, you’ll complain that we didn’t get here faster,” I say with a shrug as I open the front door and usher him inside. I lead him to my bedroom, pressing a finger to my lips to request his silence as we creep inside.

“Look,” I whisper, pointing to the box on the ground. He ambles over, obviously not sure what was so exciting about an amorphous black blob when one of the kittens suddenly lets out a _mew!,_ making him suck in a breath and jerk his head to look at me with wide eyes.

“Babies?” He asks seriously.

“Babies,” I confirm smugly, a grin spreading over my face as I watch him gingerly drop to his hands and knees so he can get closer. Mama cat wakes up just as Robert’s face gets a few inches away from the box and he freezes, obviously expecting retaliation for invading her territory. Instead, mama cat just raises a paw, gently placing it on his cheek for a moment before letting it drop so she can curl around her babies once more.

“I think I just had a religious experience,” He says as he turns to look at me, dead-serious.

“I don’t blame you, they’re pretty fucking cute,” I say with a laugh in my voice. “Now let’s leave them to sleep and I’ll make you that breakfast I promised.”

“You fuckin’ better,” He threatens, though the adorably besotted smile on his face takes away most of the bite. “Where’d you get ‘em?” He asks from his seat on the kitchen counter after I emerge from my room in dry pajamas and start preparing my world-famous breakfast feast of pancakes, hashbrowns and bacon.

“I went to that 24-hour store on Finch for ice cream last night and found them under a dumpster,” I inform him with a frown as I ladle out spoonfuls of pancake batter onto the hot pan. “I’m gonna need some heavy-duty pet shampoo to get all the gunk off of them.”

“We should set up a perimeter and fight the bastards who thought they could dump that sweetheart and her babies out on the street,” Robert proposes jokingly, though the anger that enters his eyes is no joke. “Seriously though, who the fuck thinks it’s ok to do something like that? Those kittens are what? Four, five days old? They haven’t even opened their eyes yet for chrissakes.”

“Your guess is as good as mine. I guess not everyone in this town is as morally upstanding as we are,” I reply with a shrug as I flip the bacon and hashbrowns sizzling away in their own pans.

“Ha! I think we have very different definitions of morally upstanding,” He teases with a smirk before a look of realization comes over his face. “So, those cats have been here since last night and you’re just showing them to me now?! I thought we were friends, Thane!”

“This was as early as I thought I could get away with waking you up without getting violently murdered!” I shoot back with a laugh, transferring all of the good, greasy, breakfasty goodness onto two plates and handing one to Robert as we slide onto the bar stools on the other side of the counter and dig in. “And I _was_ gonna invite you to come with me to the store but I didn’t want to bother you if you were sleeping.”

“Ok, first off, you know I’m a night owl so that argument is worthless.” He states in between bites of pancake. “Secondly, how many times have I woken _you_ up for some dumb adventure? You’re always happy to come along with me no matter how late it is. What stopped you from returning the favour?”

“I-It’s just,” I stammer, hating the self-conscious blush I can already feel darkening my cheeks. “You always take me somewhere cool or interesting when you drag me out of bed. I didn’t think you’d be interested in just a trip to the nearest 24 hour grocery store,” I explain logically. “Plus we’d already hung out like what? Six hours before? I don’t want you to get sick of me, you know?” I finish hurriedly with a nervous chuckle as I fix my gaze back onto my plate and shovel food into my mouth before any more embarrassing, self-deprecating shit came flying out.

“Thane?” Robert says quietly after a moment, an unspoken request for me to look at him in his tone. Grudgingly, I set my fork down and meet his eyes, abruptly realizing how close together our faces had become. “You could wake me up at 3 am and tell me we’re going to an office supply store, and I’d be up and dressed before you even finished your sentence.”

“I don’t think there any office supply stores in Maple Bay open at 3 am,” I inform him with a shy smile and a raised brow.

“Then we’ll drive until we find one,” He dismisses flippantly. “But seriously, Thane, the location of the late-night shenanigans makes no difference to me. And I could never, _ever_ get sick of you. Because I like spending time with you, dumbass. Even if it’s just a late-night ice cream run. Got it?”

“Got it,” I confirm with a beaming smile and a slight blush on my cheeks. I turn away to pick up the dishes and load them into the dishwasher, but before I can even touch them, I feel Robert place his hand on my shoulder, silently asking for my attention again.

“Got something else t- _mmm!_ ” I say, cut off mid-sentence by the warm press of Robert’s lips against mine.

I only hesitate for a half-second before I’m gripping the fabric of his tank-top in my hands and eagerly returning the kiss with a soft moan. He grasps my chin in his thumb and index finger and gently guides my mouth open, and the moan that vibrates in his throat as our tongues play gives me shivers.

The kiss only lasts a few seconds, though it feels like an era has come and gone when we reluctantly pull back for air. My heart’s racing in double time as I take in the languid heat in Robert’s eyes, but before either us can break the silence, a loud _meow!_ rings out from the ground at our feet. We look down in unison to see mama cat sitting on her haunches and looking expectantly up at us.  

“You angling for some of that wet food?” I ask her gravely, sticking an accusatory finger into her face. She just lets out another _meow!_ and then rubs her face affectionately along my finger. I want to be upset at her for interrupting the moment between me and Robert, but she’s just so damn cute she could light my house on fire and I’d say thank you.

“I haven’t named them yet, you know?” I say as I scoop out a healthy portion of whitefish and tuna paté onto a cheap plastic plate, and I’ve barely set it on the ground before mama cat starts practically _inhaling_ the food.

She’ll fit in perfectly in this household.

As predicted, Robert whips his head up from where he had been staring near-trancelike at the cat to look at me.

“Oh, you’ve done it now, Navarro. I refuse to leave this house until we have given appropriate monikers to each one of those adorable bastards,” He states forcefully. His lips are still reddened from the kiss, and I’d have to be blind to not notice the very blatant drag of his eyes up and down my body, but he seems content to put a pin in the moment for now.

“You drive a hard bargain, Small, but I think we can come to an understanding.”

~~~

It takes some intense negotiation, but we finally come to an arrangement with the names. Robert and I agree to each name one kitten to our liking with absolutely no outside interference, but the decision for mama cat’s name has to be unanimous.

“You’re seriously gonna name that little black floof Wraith?” I ask disbelievingly from my seat on the couch next to him. Mama cat seemed torn between nestling with her kittens and spending time with us, so we decided to make it easier for her and bring the box into the living room, moving a basket of unfolded laundry onto the ground and removing one of the cushions so she can easily get to the box and hang out on the couch with us.  

“What? It’s both badass and gender neutral as hell. Get the fuck off my back,” Robert shoots back teasingly, not looking away from where he’s lightly petting the kitten in question on its soft, furry head with the pad of his index finger. “And what about you? You really think _Sid_ is any better?”

“It’s short for Obsidian, thank you very much,” I retort with mock snootiness. “Unlike you, I have some class.”

“Well, you got me there,” He concedes with a smile, shifting his attention to the yet-to-be-named mama cat and scratching her ears. “Got any ideas for this one?”

“Yeah, actually,“ I say quietly as I kneel on the ground, my shoulder brushing against Robert’s leg as I reach into the box to stroke a thumb down Sid’s back.

“Well? Spit it out,” Robert says, his words impatient but his tone fond.

“Empress.”

“Empress?” Robert asks, not quite skeptical but definitely somewhere in the ballpark.

“Hear me out. She’s been living here for less than twenty four hours, and in that time she has very much established herself as the ruler of both this house and my heart, so she deserves a name that reflects that,” I explain logically. “Queen and Princess are both overused as hell and don’t quite capture the scope of her beauty and regality so… Empress.”

“Hmm, you do raise some very good points,” Robert says thoughtfully, looking down at the cat in question as she pushes herself up on her front legs to smush the top of her head into his palm. “And she seems to approve. Ok, I’m sold. Empress it is.”

“And I thought we’d be debating this for hours,” I laugh as I sit back down on the couch and reclaim my spot next to Robert, our sides comfortably pressed together in one long line.

“You kicking me out, Navarro?” Robert asks teasingly as he glances over at me, a thumb slowly stroking the top of Empress’ head as he throws an arm around my shoulders to pull me closer to him.

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you want, you know that,” I tell him, unable to stop the dreamy smile from spreading across my face as I look up at the man I’ve fallen so hopelessly in love with. He suddenly turns his head fully to face me and catches the smile before I’m able to school my features into something slightly less smitten, but the faint blush colouring his cheekbones and the shy smile I receive in return are well worth some mild embarrassment.

“So…” He starts after a couple minutes of comfortable silence, a hint of hesitance in his voice.

“So?” I ask innocently. I’m fairly certain I know where this conversation is going to go, but I can’t pass up the chance to needle him a bit before we crack open this can of worms.

“So,” He repeats forcefully, narrowing his eyes at me in annoyance even as a smirk curls his lips. “We kissed. Like… _really_ kissed.”

“That we did,” I confirm with a slight nod. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No!” He exclaims quickly. “No, no, it’s not. It’s just… fuck, I had a whole speech prepared for this.” He mutters, tilting his head up to stare at the ceiling in frustration.

“For…?”

“For… _this!_ ” He yells suddenly, vaguely gesturing at all of me. “I wanted to take you somewhere nice, treat you real good and tell you that I’m finally ready for _us,”_ He motions agitatedly between me and him. “to be a thing. It was gonna be romantic as shit. But then you dragged me out of bed so I could be the first person to see your cats that you _rescued from the gutter_ and then you made me breakfast and then you _smiled_ when I told you how much I enjoy spending time with you even when I called you a dumbass and I... I just couldn’t help myself.”

Holy shit.

HOLY SHIT.

I’m so stunned that I can’t even speak, my mouth hanging half-open as my eyes lock onto Robert’s. As I’m struggling to find a way to adequately respond to everything he just said, Robert seems to take my silence the wrong way and his face falls.

“I know it’s been more than a year, and I know you had better things to do than wait for my sorry ass to get my shit together, but I’m not sorry for telling you,” He says sombrely, not making eye contact with me as he retracts his arm and starts getting to his feet as if to leave.

He doesn’t even get halfway up before my arm shoots out of its own volition to yank him back down onto the couch. His head whips to the side to look at me, his eyes wide and his breath stuttering in his chest as I straddle his lap and frame his face with my hands. I try to think of something witty to say but the absolutely _awed_ look in his eyes stops me short.

Fuck it, actions speak louder than words anyways.

I capture his lips with my own and he freezes for all of a split second before letting out a relieved moan, arching his neck to press harder into the kiss. His hands settle at my waist before he nips at my bottom lip. I gasp, and he takes advantage by slipping his tongue into my mouth to slide against my own.

Our mouths meet again and again in a series of short, heated kisses and a shiver races up my spine when his hands slide down to palm at my ass, spreading me open as we grind our hips together.

I break from the kiss and grab at the hem of his tank-top, tugging on it impatiently until he obediently lifts his arms so I can peel it off him and toss it carelessly aside before eagerly resuming the kiss.

Just as Robert starts pawing at my shirt in return, a loud _mew!_ comes from the box. We glance over to see Wraith and Sid, their eyes open for the first time, peering curiously at the two of us.

“Robert! Not in front of the children!” I exclaim teasingly, lifting a hand to shield their innocent eyes from our debauchery.

“If you wanted to take this to the bedroom, all you had to do was say so,” He teases in return with a heated wink. He abruptly stands up with me still in his lap, and I let out a yelp as I instinctively wrap my arms around his neck and clench my legs around his hips to keep from falling, though the strong hands gripping my ass tell me that that was never going to happen.

It takes much longer than usual to get to my room as Robert presses me against every available surface, both of us completely unable to keep our mouths from meeting for kiss after hungry kiss, but we make it eventually.

Robert tosses me on the bed and I land with a bounce, giggling breathlessly until I tilt my head up and get immediately pinned by the pure and utter _lust_ I see burning in his eyes.

He stalks forward, gripping me by the backs of my knees and dragging me to the edge of the mattress. He drags my shirt and pajama pants off and tosses them over his shoulder, then shucks off his sweatpants so we’re both left in just our underwear.

Robert’s eyes drag up and down my body, and I feel the instinctive need to cover myself up, especially when his gaze lands on the twin scars on my chest. Before I can even think to move my hands, Robert drops to the bed and prowls up my body. He pauses to bite at one of my nipples, making me gasp before completing the journey upward to suck kisses into my neck.

“God, you’re so fucking gorgeous,” He growls in my ear, nipping sharply at the lobe and wrenching an embarrassingly high-pitched moan from my throat. And just like that, I feel every trace of hesitance slip away.

I weave my fingers into his hair and tug impatiently on the strands, and he obediently lifts his mouth from where it’s biting at my throat to meet my lips in a kiss that was relatively chaste when considering that we were half-naked and shamelessly grinding our hips together.

He kisses me softly one last time before moving back down my body so he can play with the waistband of my boxers, which have begun sticking a little uncomfortably to the insides of my thighs with how wet I’ve gotten.

“May I?” He asks, playfully flicking the elastic but making no move to pull it down without my say-so.

“Y-yeah, of course you can,” I say, oddly touched by his asking of my permission, and the hungry smile that spreads across his face in response makes the fire simmering in my belly burn just that much hotter.

He hooks his fingers into the waistband and tugs my boxers down my legs, dumping them on the floor and rubbing his big hands up and down my thighs. He nuzzles his face into the inside of one leg, laying down bite after bite and soothing each one with a hot, open-mouthed kiss before suddenly draping my calves over his shoulder and making a beeline for my folds.

“Oh, you don’t have to do th- _ah!”_ I end with a moan, cut off mid-sentence by the slide of Robert’s tongue over my clit.

“Oh, I _really_ do,” He growls, looking up just long enough for me to see the smile on his slick mouth before he dives back in, lapping at my clit and sliding two of his thick, callused fingers inside me.

“ _Robert!_ ” I cry out as he crooks his fingers and unerringly finds my G-spot, and I can feel him smile against my clit before he starts massaging it in earnest, coaxing moans and more cries of his name from my throat as he expertly works me over

My climax hits me without warning. One moment I’m squirming on the bed, my fingers buried in Robert’s hair as the swipes of his tongue and thrusts of his fingers make the heat in my lower belly coil tighter and tighter. Then the tension abruptly snaps and I’m thrashing wildly, clenching my fingers in his locks as I scream his name.

He gently lowers my legs back down to the bed as  I’m panting for breath, pressing a kiss to the inside of each thigh before crawling up my body again to kiss me fiercely, and I can taste myself on his tongue as it slides against mine.

“Not bad, Small,” I say breathlessly as I bite along the line of his jaw.

“I’m just getting started, Navarro,” He rasps teasingly into my ear before biting at it. “Been thinking about this for _months._ ”

“Ditto,” I reply, and the absolutely _wicked_ chuckle that rumbles from his chest makes my insides clench in anticipation.  

“Hope the wait was worth it,” He jokes, but I can catch the buried note of insecurity in his tone. I frame his face in my hands and arch upward so I can kiss him hard.

“It was,” I tell him very seriously when I pull back. “Because _you’re_ worth it.” Robert’s jaw goes slack for a second, his eyes widening in shock before they’re filled with warmth and he kisses me hard in return.

“Please tell me you have condoms,” He asks against my lips before we sink into yet another kiss. “If I’m not inside you in the next thirty seconds, I’m gonna lose my damn mind.”

“Nightstand, bottom drawer,” I gasp in between kisses. He places a short, apologetic kiss on my lips before removing the searing warmth of his body from my own to get to his feet. He produces a foil packet after a few seconds of searching with an incredibly cute _aha!_ in victory before he peels off his sinfully tight boxer-briefs and lets them drop to the floor.

_Fuck._

“See something you like?” He asks innocently, taking his cock in hand and giving it a few leisurely strokes.

“Yes,” I say honestly as I get into a kneeling position on the bed and snatch the condom from his hand. I can’t resist wrapping my lips around the head of his cock, swirling my tongue around it a few times. I enjoy his desperate moans for a few seconds before I pull back and swiftly roll the condom down his length.

“Goddamn, you’re something else,” He says reverently, leaning down to press a kiss to my mouth before taking a seat at the edge of the mattress, spreading his legs and tapping on his thighs.

I take the hint and immediately straddle his lap, our lips meeting for kiss after frenzied kiss as I rub my folds teasingly along his cock.

“You ready?” Robert asks roughly as he lifts my hips so that the head of his cock nudges at my entrance. Instead of answering, I move his hands to my waist and move downward to take all of him inside me in one long slide.

“Oh _fuuuck,_ ” I cry as he bottoms out, and the broken moan that Robert lets out sounds like it was wrenched from his throat. I sit motionless for a few long moments, acclimating to and enjoying the feeling of Robert’s deliciously thick cock inside me. I drape my arms over his shoulders and kiss him with everything I’ve got, our tongues slipping out to play as I start to move up and down on his dick.

I rise up on my knees so that only the tip of his cock remains inside me, making Robert’s eyes roll back in his head as I clench my internal muscles around him and drop heavily back down into his lap.

“Oh, so _that’s_ how you wanna play this?” Robert growls in my ear.

“What’s wrong, Small?” I say breathlessly with a self-satisfied smile on my face. “Can’t keep u- _oh fuck!_ ” I cry out, my words abruptly transforming into a sharp scream as he braces his feet on the ground and starts _pounding_ into me.

“Oh, god, _unnh,_ fuck, I- _ah!_ Robbie, _fuck!_ ” I babble, an endless string of moans and cries coming from my throat as Robert continually bucks his hips while pulling down on my waist to push his cock in as deeply as possible.

“Yes, _tell me,_ babe,” He rasps in my ear. “Tell me how much you love my cock inside you.” His words make my already flushed face redden even further, and I bury my face into the crook of his neck.

“You getting shy on me, gorgeous?” He whispers, upping the pace to something just shy of punishing. “That’s ok. That just means I can tell you how much I _love_ fucking you.” He licks a stripe up the slick skin of my neck, making me shiver.

“You’re so hot and wet around my cock, I can barely stand it. And the _noises_ you make,” He latches his mouth onto the skin of where my neck meets my shoulders and worries it between his teeth, making me keen high in my throat as I bury my fingers in his hair. “Just like that. Goddamn it, you’re so fucking sexy.”

“More!” I manage to choke out between thrusts. “Please!”

“Like the sound of my voice, hmm?” He asks innocently, his voice purposefully dropping into a low, growling register that makes me clench reflexively around his cock. “That’s what I thought.” He rumbles.

Suddenly his halts in his thrusts and pulls me off his cock, our flesh making an obscene wet sound as we separate. Before I can even think to voice a complaint, he lifts me up and lays me down on the bed, hooking my legs over his shoulders and lifting my hips so he can pull me back onto his cock.

God he’s so fucking _deep_ like this. I can feel every hot, _hard_ inch of him twitching inside me.

Robert leans over my chest, folding me near in half so he can capture my lips in a tender kiss.

“You ok?” He asks against my lips, looking deep into my eyes as if searching for any sign of discomfort.

“Yeah,” I whisper sincerely, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Though I’d be better if you kept fucking me already, damn.” Robert throws his head back and the room booms with his laughter.

“Oh, I’m sure I can arrange that,” He growls wickedly as he leans back, nipping at one of my calves before returning to the bed-shaking pace we’d been at before.

“God, _Robert!_ ” I all but scream, caught off-guard by the abrupt return of the sharp pleasure spiking through my lower belly. “ _Unnh,_ you feel so _good!”_

“That’s right, babe, scream my name,” He grunts out between thrusts. “Tell me who’s fucking you.”

“Robert, _please,_ ” I mewl, which I was convinced no-one actually did outside of porn but I guess my throat begs to differ. I don’t get a chance to feel embarrassed though as Robert’s eyes dilate to where they’re almost completely black and his cock pounds into me just that much harder, and whatever grip I had managed to keep over stifling my cries completely dissolves.

“You gonna cum, babe?” He asks, guiding my legs off his shoulders so that he can cover me with his warm body, growling in my ear and using his thumb to rub circles on my clit as I wrap my legs around his waist. “Gonna cum on my cock?”

“ _Robbie!”_ I scream brokenly at the sound of his raspy voice in my ear, and I climax hard around his cock as it slides deep inside me. I muffle the rest of my fucked-out cries by biting down on his shoulder, wrenching a low groan from his throat as he reaches his climax too, shuddering in my arms.

Robert presses a warm kiss to my cheek, and the rasp of his stubble against my skin makes me squirm happily in his embrace as he drops his forehead to the bed next to my head, turning to nuzzle his face into my hair and tickling my ear with the warm exhales of his panting breaths.

We lie together like that for a few long seconds, his warm body a pleasant weight draped over mine before he slowly rolls over onto his back with me sprawled across his chest.

“You alright?” He asks, his voice low and raspy as he slowly rubs one of his big hands up and down my back.

“Mmm,” I confirm happily. “I don’t think my legs work anymore,” I murmur, my face nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “Someone should slap a warning sticker on you; Do not operate heavy machinery after fucking Robert Small.”

“Well I wouldn’t want to be a hazard to the general public,” Robert replies with mock-concern. “Guess I better stick to just fucking you.”

“I’m willing to make that sacrifice,” I tell him, lifting my head to meet his lips, stealing his trick and biting down on his bottom lip and slipping my tongue into his mouth when it opens in a moan. “For the public.” I affirm.

Robert chuckles as he turns us onto our sides, carefully pulling out of me before tying off the condom and tossing it into the wastebasket next to the nightstand before gathering me into his arms again, and I sigh happily as I cuddle against his shoulder.

I’m just on the edge of falling asleep when Robert nudges me. “Thane?” He asks quietly, his voice a low whisper.

“Hmm?” I murmur sleepily, listening but not wanting to open my eyes.

“I love you,” His voice rumbles in my ear as he pulls me further onto his chest and tangles our legs together. I press a sleepy kiss to his collarbone, basking in the warmth that Robert’s soft confession stokes in my chest. It feels different from the fire that burned hot between us as we made love, wild and passionate. It’s more like the glow of a hearth, warm and comfortable.

It feels like coming home.

“I love you too,” I whisper back as I nuzzle into his chest. I feel him drape one of his arms over my shoulders and press a kiss to my forehead, but anything else is lost to me as sleep washes over me like a warm tide and I drift off with a smile on my face.

~~~

“Mrrah.”

“Mmmnnngh…” I groan. I’m still mostly asleep, and the pleasant warmth pressed along my back and curling between my legs is making a very convincing argument for me to go back to sleep.

Wait, what?

Before I can even attempt to make sense of the information my sleep-dulled mind is trying to feed to me, a soft paw taps against my cheek once, twice, and then rests there.

“Wha-?” I murmur sleepily, cracking open one eye to see Empress’ purring face not two inches away from my own.

“I think your cat’s hungry,” A voice rasps directly in my ear. I stiffen for a second before the memories of last night come belatedly streaming back into my mind, and my body instantly relaxes into Robert’s embrace. I try to turn in his arms to face him, but the tightening of his arm around my waist and the kisses he starts sucking into my neck make a pretty good case for me to stay right where I am.

“ _My_ cat? No, no, no, sir.” I tell him, trying my best not to stumble over my words as his kisses turn into bites. “We named her together, therefore all rights and responsibilities are shared.”

“Hmm, is that so?” He chuckles in my ear, dragging a hand up my chest to pinch at one of my nipples. “How about we divide and conquer then? I’ll grab the food and water bowls, you get the cat. After we banish both to the hallway we come back and pick up where we left off. Deal?”

“Deal,” I confirm. I feel his fingertips grazing along my cheek, and I obediently turn my head so he can slot his lips against mine in a warm, eager kiss.

We get up reluctantly but work quickly. My experience with cats has shown me that they’re slippery little creatures that instinctively seem to know when they’re being a nuisance and do everything in their power to remain a nuisance. But Empress simply looks up and meows happily at me when I go to pick her up and purrs like an outboard motor when I get her in my arms.

“We love you Empress, but your dads need some alone time now,” I explain to her, just so she knows we’re not doing this to her out of spite. “I’ll cuddle you for ten thousand years to make up for this transgression.”

We place her and the food bowls on the other side of the door, and again, my previous experience with cats tells me she’ll immediately try to dart back inside the room before we close the door, but she just sits there purring at us even as it shuts in her face.

“That is one chill ass cat,” Robert remarks wryly as he walks us back to my bed and falls back-first onto it, dragging me down so I’m sprawled across his chest.

“And people think black cats are bad luck,” I scoff, scooting up Robert’s chest so I can bite at his throat. The world spins for a second as Robert flips me onto my back, and I hear the tearing sounds of a condom wrapper being ripped open as he chuckles lowly.

“The fact that I somehow managed to get you to love me is proof that those people are full of shit,” He tells me as he rolls on the condom.

“Aww, that’s so _cuuuute_ ,” I tease him even as my cheeks flush red at the sincerity of his words.

“Hey! Don’t fucking ‘ _awww_ ’ me when I’m two seconds away from fucking you senseless,”

“Well what are you gonna do abou- _ah!”_ I say, my sentence abruptly ending with the embarrassingly high-pitched moan that wrenches out of my throat when Robert grips my hips and bottoms out in one smooth thrust.

“You were saying?” He growls smugly in my ear.

“That I love you?” I ask innocently, grabbing a fistful of his hair so I can pull his stupid face down to kiss it. He laughs into my mouth, enthusiastically returning the kiss before he breaks away so he can lean back. An impossibly tender look enters his eyes as he cups my cheek in one hand, and I kiss the thumb that slides across my lips as we stare at each other.

“That sounds about right,” He says, covering me with his body and our lips meeting once more.

Out in the living room, Empress curls around her children and they sleep together in a purring heap, completely undisturbed by the loud noises the new members of her family were making down the hall.

**Author's Note:**

> As you could probably gather from reading this, I have absolutely no chill when it comes to cats. 
> 
> Also, if you're planning to adopt a cat, please consider a black cat. Shelters have higher numbers of black cats than any other colour AND they're less likely to be adopted even though they're just as perfect as any other cat. So do yourself a favour and adopt a black cat today! This has been a PSA. 
> 
> P.S. Don't actually keep cats you find on the street without first taking them to your local vet or animal shelter to check if they're microchipped. Pretend there's a scene a few days later where Thane and Robert take Empress to get checked for a microchip and don't find one.


End file.
